Death & Taxes

The arrival of February came all too soon this year. Normally, February means spring is right around the corner. I can greet the sun from its winter hiatus and scold the snow clouds and freezing rain into hiding. My skin can celebrate by adorning a new shade of slightly-less-pale.

But this year. This year is different. This year, I am departing on an adventure, a mission, an expedition. Whatever you want to call an open-ended trip embarked upon by an idealistic, naïve, freshly graduated 25-year-old woman.

Part of embarking on an open-ended trip is saying goodbye. You hope it’s the type of goodbye that means “see you later,” but honestly, it’s felt quite different than that. People leave me with words of encouragement and praise, all of which I very much appreciate, but these add a sense of finality to this decision I have made and what is about to take place. It almost makes me feel like I’m dying.

Now I know I can’t say something like that and not elaborate. Why does it feel like I’m dying? Some have cried when saying goodbye. Some have told me things very close to their heart, of what our relationship has meant to them and how not having me in their daily life will impact them. I have to admit, I’ve been very taken aback by these goodbyes. I take with me these words of encouragement and praise, but I also carry with me a very heavy sadness knowing I will miss these people dearly.

To say the least, it feels like a mixed blessing to have what feels like an early funeral. But I realize that what feels like an early funeral is actually a rebirth of sorts. An opportunity for me to blossom into something completely new yet completely familiar this spring season. An opportunity to better understand my relationship with others and to not just close that chapter of what I consider “us now,” but also move on to a different chapter of “us” with a greater sense of purpose and understanding. One that will be different, one that will be completely new, one that will allow us to grow and change to what we are to become.

Not everything is different this February, however. I just filed my taxes yesterday and when some are telling their tax computer program boxes “I’m stuck,” I’m saying “thank you for another year of completing them in less than an hour.” I suppose earning foreign income might make my taxes a bit more complicated in the future, but approaching a change in chapters with enthusiasm and excitement and being grateful for opportunities is really what spring is all about.